And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have aggressive nipples.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
