and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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