Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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