i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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