your room smells of hookers.
And success
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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