I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
