What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
