I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
