She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
