This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
