my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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