A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
