I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
