I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
