Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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