i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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