So drunk its hurt
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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