bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
