I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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