saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Where is the hickey?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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