Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
