I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
