we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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