Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
