fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
