idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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