You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
