sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
