If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
