South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
