How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
