Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
