somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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