I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
