I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
