So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
