I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
