he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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