my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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