The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
