Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
