Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
