well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
