Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
