well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
