this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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