Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
