Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
