I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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