Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
