i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
