My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
